Mental Health of a Care-recipient

The process of seeking a diagnosis can be overwhelming but living without one can leave a person in a state of uncertainty about what they should or shouldn’t be doing. The journey towards obtaining a diagnosis can often be filled with delays and misunderstandings, making the experience emotionally draining and stressful. At the same time, it can be frightening to acknowledge one’s vulnerability and confront the new reality after receiving a diagnosis. A care-recipient may experience a deep sense of frustration, anger, and the thought of “WHY ME?”.

It can be difficult to fully understand what someone goes through when dealing with an illness or a disease. Putting yourself in their shoes can help you see their emotional and physical struggles. This deeper understanding can enable you to respond in more compassionate, supportive, and meaningful ways. By listening and being empathetic, you create a safe and nurturing environment where your care-recipient feels comfortable opening up and connecting with you.

Below are some ways in which you can become an empathetic listener:

Be present: Being fully attentive and present, without distractions, is crucial for making the care-recipient feel valued and heard. Be genuinely interested in listening to them. Allow your care-recipient to speak at their own pace, without rushing them. Give them time to express themselves completely.

Here are a few tips to enhance your ability to stay present and attentive:

Before starting a conversation, set an intention to be fully present and attentive.
Engage in mindful breathing before your interactions with your care-recipient. Mindfulness helps bring your attention back to the present environment.
Periodically check with yourself if you are still attentive. If you notice your mind drifting away, gently bring it back to the present moment.
Avoid doing any other tasks while listening. Put everything away, if possible.
Avoid shifting the conversation to your perspective or giving advice unless requested. Use statements like - “I’m here to listen. I want to understand how you feel.”

Imagine their situation: Consider what they may be feeling and genuinely try to see the situation from their perspective. Ask yourself, “How would I feel if I were in their position?” Imagine a day when the roles are reversed, when you are the care-recipient, and they become your caregiver. Consider the challenges you might face and how you would like to be supported during that time. By envisioning their experience, you can better offer the compassionate support they need.

Ask open-ended questions: Open-ended questions are inquiries that cannot be answered with a simple “yes” or “no”, they require a more detailed response that can encourage the care-recipient to share more about their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Asking questions starting with “What”, “How”, “Tell me more about...”, “Can you describe...” can lead to a deeper and more meaningful conversation. Here are a few open-ended questions you could ask to start a conversation:

What’s been on your mind?
How are you feeling today, both physically and emotionally?
Can you tell me about something interesting you learned recently?
Tell me more about the show you have been watching these days.

Stay open-minded: It is important to be flexible and receptive to what the care-recipient shares, even if their thoughts, feelings, or experiences differ from your own. Here are some useful tips to help you remain open minded:

Avoid jumping to conclusions or assuming you know how they feel. Instead of saying, “I know exactly what you’re going through,” say, “Help me understand how this feels for you.”
Be aware of any biases or beliefs you hold that could colour your perception. If you catch yourself thinking, “This isn’t a big deal,” remind yourself that it may feel very different to them.
Be open to changing your approach based on new insights from the care-recipient’s experiences. For instance: “I thought doing this would help, but it seems you prefer something else. Let’s try your way out.”
Approach all conversations with a mindset of curiosity: “I hadn’t thought of it that way. Can you tell me more?” “What has this experience been like for you?”

Validate, paraphrase, and reflect their feelings: Validation means recognising the care-recipient's emotions as real and meaningful. Even if you don’t fully understand them, it is important to let them know their feelings are valid and important. Validating their emotions doesn’t mean agreeing with everything they do; it simply means respecting their feelings.

When a care-recipient talks about their struggles, they might just need someone to listen and acknowledge their pain. Simply saying, “I can see how tough this is for you,” or “Your worry is completely valid,” shows you are attentive and understanding without trying to fix the situation immediately.

Paraphrasing means restating your care-recipient's message in your own words, showing you understand their experience. For example, if they say, "I'm so stressed about the upcoming hospital visit," you could paraphrase by saying, "I sense that the upcoming hospital visit is stressing you out.” This also shows you are attentive to them.

Reflecting emotions means recognising and communicating the care-recipient’s feelings back to them through words, tone, and body language, fostering connection and trust. For example, if they say, “I’m overwhelmed by the frequent hospital visits” you might respond with, “It seems like you’re feeling exhausted and maybe even frustrated by how much time and energy these visits are taking.”

This response acknowledges and validates the underlying emotions (exhaustion and frustration). This can make them feel heard, deeply understood, accepted, and build a trusted relationship. Your tone of voice matters, too; a calm, soothing tone can make them feel safe.

What not to say	What to say
You shouldn’t feel that way	It’s okay to feel that way
Don’t worry. It’ll be fine	It makes sense how you feel, given the situation
Try to be more positive	I can see it’s difficult for you
Other people have it worse	Your feelings are valid, and I am here for you.
You are overreacting	It’s overwhelming/bothersome for you, I can sense it.

Non-verbal cues: Non-verbal cues are a powerful way to communicate. They include body language, facial expressions, and even silence.

Here are a few non-verbal cues that can help you show genuine connection and interest, making it easier for your care-recipient to open up.

Leaning slightly forward shows you are interested in what they are saying.
Maintaining appropriate eye contact shows you are paying attention.
Avoiding distractions like looking at the phone shows you are present.
Nodding your head signals that you understand.
A warm smile or a concerned look can express empathy and support.
A moment of silence is helpful. It gives them space to think and process their feelings.

Respect privacy and maintain confidentiality: Trust is key. Therefore, ensuring that any information that the care-recipient shares during a conversation is kept private whenever they make the request is important. Maintaining this confidentiality helps create a safe and supportive environment. Moreover, never discuss the care-recipient’s personal information with friends, family, or others who are not involved in their care. Inform your care-recipient in advance if you have to share some information about their well-being with other caregivers or professionals under some circumstances (e.g.: in case of harm or medical emergency). This will help them feel more comfortable being vulnerable with you.

Paying close attention to the care-recipient's behaviour and body language can reveal a lot about their physical and emotional state. For example, if a care-recipient has been quieter than usual, and is slouching, it may be a sign that they are tired. In such cases, you can suggest they take a break. Similarly, if you notice they are not maintaining eye contact, they might be upset, and you can check-in on them.

Some care-recipients may over time lose some of their physical abilities, such as, they may walk slower, or experience hand tremors. Noticing these physical signs can help you offer better assistance, whether it is providing crutches or just as simple as being more patient when they struggle to complete a task. Being mindful of these shifts can enable you to respond with care and empathy.

If you observe that your care-recipient is not engaging in conversation, you can gently ask how they feel. Questions like, “You seem a bit quieter today. Is everything okay?” show that you are attentive and can encourage them to open up about what’s on their mind. At times, a care-recipient may be reluctant to talk about what they are feeling. They might say, “I am fine”, but upon noticing non-verbal cues, such as sunken eyes, downturned lips, and tightened facial muscles, you could conclude they are exhausted or unhappy. Noticing such a mismatch does not mean you need to confront them immediately but can gently prompt them later.

In this way, being present and observant can help a caregiver provide better support.

In Indian society, talking about emotions can often be considered unnecessary or taboo. This can make a care-recipient hesitant to open up about what they’re going through. A check-in typically refers to starting a brief conversation to explore the care-recipient's thoughts and feelings, creating a supportive space for them to share and express themselves. Regular check-ins offer a gentle and proactive way for a caregiver to encourage emotional sharing and build trust.

These check-ins are especially important after difficult times, like a doctor’s visit or a tough bout of illness. It’s an opportunity for a caregiver to validate a care-recipient's experience and provide reassurance. For example, asking questions like, “How did your appointment go?” or “Are you feeling any better today?” can encourage them to open up about their worries or relief. Even if they don’t open up immediately, checking in consistently sends a message: “I care about you, and I’m here for you.”

Additionally, involving other family members in these check--ins can help normalise conversations about struggles. When the whole family participates, it creates an environment where sharing feelings is accepted and encouraged. This can make it easier for everyone to express their emotions and support each other. This practice helps break down cultural barriers around emotional expression and promotes a sense of collective support.

The following are a few questions that can help with regular weekly check-ins. However, you can modify them as per the relevance:

How are you feeling today?
Is there anything on your mind that you would like to share?
What made you smile or feel happy this week?
Are there any worries you would like to talk about?
How do you feel about the progress you are making?
What do you need right now to feel more supported? Or what can I do to make you feel more supported, attended, and seen?

Over time, these check-ins become moments of connection, where the care-recipient knows they are heard, valued, and supported-no matter how big or small their struggles may be.

Seeking support from a mental health professional can be helpful for a care-recipient as they navigate challenges. These professionals are trained to understand the complexities of emotional struggles, providing insights and coping strategies. The support of a qualified expert can lead to enhanced well-being and a renewed sense of hope for the future.

If your care-recipient is hesitant to seek professional support, here’s a simple guide to help them feel more prepared and comfortable. Mann Talks offers mental health support for all. You can share our helpline number, 8686 139139, with your care-recipient. The helpline operates every day from 9 am to 8 pm where they will be directly connected to a mental health professional. They can also reach out to us via email at counselling@manntalks.org. Additionally, we provide online one-on-one appointment-based support for individuals via our Mann-ki-Therapy platform.

Encourage your care-recipient to join support groups to connect with others with similar experiences. These groups, whether online or in person, offer a sense of community, understanding, and shared insights that can be immensely valuable during challenging times.

Empowering a care-recipient means ensuring they feel valued, informed, and included in their care planning. Feeling valued is crucial, as it entails recognising their individuality and respecting their opinions. It can help enhance their self-esteem and boost their confidence.

Providing information and resources: A care-recipient needs authentic, clear, simple information about their health and treatment options so they can make informed decisions. By offering resources, answering questions, and encouraging open discussions a caregiver can help them feel empowered and in control of their health journey. It is also essential to provide accurate information as misinformation could do more harm than good.

Encouraging autonomy: Allow your care-recipient to make choices about their care and daily routines wherever possible. It could involve selecting meals, deciding on activities, or choosing their treatment options. Encouraging autonomy can promote a sense of control and respect. Moreover, involving the care-recipient in decision-making can increase their commitment to the care plan. They should feel comfortable sharing their preferences and concerns, as it nurtures a collaborative relationship with their caregiver.

Recognising strengths and celebrating achievements: Identifying your care-recipient’s strength can be challenging. Start by engaging in an open conversation about their abilities and past experiences. You can ask questions like, “What activities have you enjoyed?” or “What are you proud of accomplishing?” This can encourage them to reflect on their strengths, such as resilience or creativity.

Involving family members, other caregivers, and friends can also provide valuable insights about the strengths the care-recipient might overlook. Celebrating small victories is another valuable approach to highlight their strengths. Even if they accomplish something small, acknowledge it by saying, “I admire how you handled that. It shows your strength.” If their condition allows, encourage them to keep a journal documenting their achievements. You can also create a weekly ritual with them to discuss and list their wins together. This can boost their confidence and help them recognise their abilities.

Leveraging their strengths: Once you have identified your care-recipient’s strengths, consider how to incorporate them into their care journey. For instance, if they’re creative, ask for their input on decorating their space, allowing them to express themselves. If they are organised, involve them in planning their care schedule by asking, “When do you feel most energetic for planning your appointments?”

If they are good communicators, encourage them to share their thoughts during doctor visits. You can say, “You explain things so well; would you like to talk to the doctor?” This can empower them and ensure that their voice is heard.

If they have strong fine motor skills and coordination, encourage them to participate in day-to-day tasks like cooking, chopping vegetables, or folding clothes.

Incorporating their strengths into their care routine and encouraging them to participate in various activities can help them feel valued and included. This collaborative approach boosts their confidence, empowers them, and makes their care experience more meaningful.

Why should I call the helpline when I can talk to a friend or a family member?

While talking to a friend or family member may be comforting, there is a risk that they might bring their own biases and judgements to the conversation. There may also be things that we don’t want our loved ones to know—thoughts and emotions that cause us anxiety, guilt or shame; or painful emotions that they might not be able to handle.

The mental health professionals at Mann Talks are trained in the art of listening and offer a safe space without any bias or judgement. This will allow you to speak more freely than you would with someone you know. They are also trained to be able to understand your pain and situation, and help you resolve your issues.

Will the helpline tell my family about the things I share?

At Mann Talks, we prioritize confidentiality, dignity and respect of the caller. Our mental health professionals will not share anything you discuss with anyone else. The only time confidentiality may be broken is if the mental health professional feels you might harm yourself, or those around you.

In any other circumstance, what you share remains confidential.

What if I don’t like who I’m talking to?

It is important to feel comfortable with the mental health professional you’re accessing treatment from. If you feel like the professional you’ve been assigned/are speaking to isn’t a good fit for you, it’s okay to request a different one.

Don’t feel pressured to continue to talk to a professional you don’t like—after all, Mann Talks is for your wellbeing, and your comfort comes first.