Helping close ones in distress

Helping a friend 

Unlike several other relations, the informal nature of friendships leaves us with a lot of scope to support someone emotionally. Following steps can be considered in our journey of helping our friend in distress;

• Asking what kind of help they want rather than assuming, as they are a better judge of their needs
• Being a non-judgmental listener, enabling them to share their concerns and feel supported
• Not advising or solving their problems, but respecting their choices and journey (except when there’s a threat to safety)
• Not invalidating their issues, while trying to minimise their distress, as they might doubt their reality
• Helping reduce the distress by asking them to drink some water, offering them something to eat or performing some exercises on this page
• In crisis situations, reaching out to their trusted individuals (e.g. family, other friends) and/or any professional

Helping a partner 

Our relationships with our partners fulfil several of our needs and thus have an impact on our as well as our partner’s mental health. Being supportive of each other’s mental health is important to sustain the relationship. Some ways in which we can help a partner overcome mental health challenges are as follows:

• Observing closely if anything is out of the ordinary like them being too quiet or lost in thought, changes in mood or behaviour, etc.
• Giving undivided attention and encouraging genuine discussions, asking open ended questions, and listening to understand
• Consciously checking in with their feelings, setting time aside to have a conversation about them
• Providing a safe space for their feelings builds trust and support in the relationship
• Extending support through smaller gestures like taking over something from their set of chores
• Appreciating what they bring to the table even if it’s not as much as they would earlier
• Showing support publicly by complimenting them or speaking positively about them in front of their co-workers, friends or family
• Creating positive moments like spending time together, to help strengthen the relationship
• In crisis situations, being present with them, actively helping them reduce their distress
• Creating systems for smooth communication and showing support virtually when living apart
• Encouraging them to reach out to any of their local support systems, or getting in touch with these people ourselves, or redirecting to professional help, when dealing with crisis while living apart

Helping a parent 

Seeing a parent in distress can be upsetting and distressing. However, there are ways to help us navigate this situation, some of them are as follows:

• Bringing up the issue gently by talking about and listening to their concerns without judgement or giving advice  
• Not feeling responsible for our parents’ behaviour, instead recognising that it’s a product of their current situation  
• Being sensitive to their distress even if we don’t fully understand their perspective and, finding better ways to help them  
• Talking about our experiences and feelings to build a sense of connectedness and safe space, without making the situation about us  
• Encouraging to seek professional help by sharing relevant data/stories/readings to normalize and promote mental well-being  
• Addressing possible barriers/stigma that may be stopping parents from seeking professional help  
• Providing additional support by assisting them with daily tasks or arranging help, aid, etc.

Helping an online  friend 

Our communities of online friends can be a great source of support. Given the virtual nature of these friendships, ways of helping someone differ from in-person friendships. Ways in which we can help an online friend are:

• Reaching out when something’s off like noticeable changes in their way or tone of communication, or activities they normally engage in  
• Showing up by checking on them regularly, creating safe, non-judgmental spaces for them to vent and acknowledging their difficulties  
• Offering distractions by engaging in discussions or hobbies, playing games or watching movies, sharing memes, gifs or quotes while being mindful of their comfort  
• Mobilizing help after checking with the friend, by involving trusted mutual friends or reaching out to online communities for resources  
• Handling crisis situations by informing them and calling emergency services (if location is known) or involving a trusted person  
• Understanding our own limitations in helping an online friend and redirecting them to relevant resources

Helping a colleague 

Conversations around mental health at at the workplace may not seem easy, but creating positive mental health environments and reaching out to peers at work are essential given how much time we spend at work and how productivity is closely interconnected with our mental health. Some ways of ensuring the same are:

• Building a rapport and checking-in upon observing any changes in their mood and behaviour like signs of withdrawal, low productivity, burnout, lack of enthusiasm, etc.  
• Listening in order to understand their struggles, creating a safe space while being mindful of our biases and not giving unnecessary advice  
• Engaging them in conversations apart from their struggles, taking breaks together and participating in activities they might like  
• Sharing the load or responsibilities, having flexible deadlines for them for some time, if we’re in a position to manage these things  
• Supporting them by discouraging discriminatory behaviour and having open conversations to break any stigma surrounding mental health  
• Being aware of mental health concerns by staying informed through reliable resources  
• Redirecting to professional help and supporting them rather than acting as their counsellors

You can learn more about how to be a mental health ally here